Ok…. so the time has come for me to find a way to log all my ramblings. No longer shall I scribble my thoughts, mumbles and ramblings in my note book and journal… I shall be all clever and modern and type straight into my blog.
What has stopped my doing this before??? Well fear my friends, fear has stopped me…
The one thing that has stopped me from writing and publishing without a proof reader, is my lack of ability to spell very well. My dyslexia ( although I wouldn’t change it.. I’ve grown to love it!.. I will write about why some day) has troubled me for many years and when writing in the world of academia, the wonderful invention of the ‘spell check’ has allowed me to write unashamedly and confidently… but to write in a blog or letter or email, has scared me slightly ( actually a lot)… my subconsious fear of failure and ridicule, changes the words I want to write into words I CAN write.. for example when writing a card I would write..
Hope you have a great party and get lots of fab gifts
What I really want to write is
Wishing you many happy returns of the day, you deserve to have a wonderful time and an even greater celebration. Hope you enjoy opening all presents you are sure to receive.
So the reason I change it? I cant spell the words in italics without a spell check…and I bet you really cant believe that so many ‘easy’ words would need me to really think hard about how they are spelt!!….
Well… it fills me with fear, the humiliation I feel when I am corrected publicly on facebook or elsewhere, when some well meaning friend takes the piss unaware how small it makes me feel…. It actually has got worse the more educated and qualified I have become, the more folks enjoy correcting me! Weirdly though, I still find it tough to stand up for myself….I want to say….
” why does it matter if my words are spelled differently?”
“you can tell what I am saying! You can understand my message!”
and I want to scream
” I’m dyslexic!!! You are lucky I’m writing anything at all!”
…and they are luck I am writing at all……At Keiths Birthday party last January, I was stood outside nattering, laughing and bantering with friends and family under the influence of alcohol and the buzz of all been* together…. when a close relative answered my question of ‘why don’t you stay in touch more?’ he said lightly…
” I do see what you are upto on facebook all the time” I replied by expressing my dissopointment that they never commented or joined my in the ever present banter with my facebook friends and family.
He shrugged and said ” I don’t reply ‘cos I cant spell” then a friend, who also never ‘did’ facebook said
” I’m with you brother, I never post anything ‘cos I can barely spell my name”
.. wow!!! I wasn’t alone..
How many others write ‘simple’ words to express themselves?
How many do NOT use the words that roll from their expressive brains, but translate them into ‘easy to spell’ collections of basic phonetic English?
and worst of all…
How many folks don’t write at all? how many folks are silenced and oppressed by language snobs and spelling OCD?
So… I will….
….argue with teachers and peers about the importance of spelling and grammar in the classroom…
….I will never correct anyone’s written word…
….I will never feel inferior for expressing my words with a slight variation of letters than the average ‘non dyslexic’ would use..
and most importantly for this blog:-
I will write without pause, without fear and without adjustment….like it or lump it.. these are my words in my way, from my heart and my wonderful brain!!
*I don’t know, and will never know, the difference between BEEN, BEAN and BEING .. everyone has tried, teachers, parents and MR O.. doesnt matter how many times you tell me.. I just don’t have a fucking clue! so get over it and enjoy the blog!
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