8.20am push boy out of the door kicking and screaming, blackmail him with empty promises of a download for his Xbox when he gets home. Toddler still in bed..bonus.. drink tea.
8.30am decide to sweep floor, get brush out of cupboard, everything collapses. Pull everything out of cupboard in a strop. Tidy cupboard! Even wiping down the dust pan and brush, vac and bottles of cleaner.. everything looks grubby! Empty overflowing plastic bag holder ( it’s supposed to hold 100 bags… fooking lying twunts) become strangely and manicly obsessed with fitting 100 plastic bags in holder. Fit 25 bags in holder and stuff rest behind the (very clean) bottles of window and surface cleaner.
9am close cupboard door and sweep up a sleepy toddler who is very angry to have found herself waking up alone and not with her mummy besides her with her amazing milk producing boobies!
9.05am sit on sofa wrapped in blanket providing toddler with morning milk!
9.10am cereal is provided and more tea made
9.15am wipe up spilt cereal and tea from rug.
9.20am make mistake of asking toddler what she wants to wear….
9.25am toddler bounces happily downstairs in Minnie Mouse tutu dress, odd socks, two head bands, gloves and swimming cap. I shout ‘good morning’ at 18 year old.
9.30 make tea. Start cleaning kitchen and tidying up after morning chaos.
11.30am shout to 18 year old to wake up and she responds with the response she deserves a lie in as she’s been busy all week. I want to explain a couple of hours work over two days doesn’t warrant a two day holiday .
12noon make lunch for toddler and myself, we snuggle on sofa after to watch ‘we can cook’
12.05pm I see a flashing in the corner of my eye… shit.. migraine alert. Lay head back on sofa and try pretend it’s not there.
12.15pm flashing now has stabbing pain and I think a fairy came and tied a rope tightly around my head. Think through scenarios .. how can I get to sleep this off before it blows !
12.30pm body feels heavy, toddler thinks it’s the best afternoon ever, she is on her third cartoon and mummy is still sat besides her. Text 18 year old
“Don’t suppose you could look after Kitty for me, I have migraine need to sleep it off”
12.40pm text again.. the though of standing or shouting upstairs makes me want to cry.
12.50 hear footsteps… 18 year old arrives with questions about her iTunes account.. fake emails detected and dismissed… I ask carefully if she can look after her sister while I sleep off head ache. I’m reminded she has a cold but will do it anyway.
12.55 crawl into bed, best feeling ever . Fall into a deep sleep where the pain of the migraine sits quietly in my dreams .
1pm. “MUMMY ? ” I jump awake ” what’s matter ? Is kitty ok?” “Yeah where is the lid for the blender?” I mumble ” I don’t know I’ll look later” she tuts and stomps off, toddler in tow.
1.05 I fall back to sleep only slightly wondering why she needs the lid for the blender.
1.25 “mummy” I jump awake ” what’s matter” ( head feels like it’s going to explode) ” look we picked some apples” toddler holds put a box of freshly picked apples for me to see. I see them through blurred eyes and mumble encouraging words about baking later. I sink back into a sleep head pounding.
2pm “mummy? Mummy? MUMMY! ” can’t jump up anymore head has been filled with lead. I choose to groan instead ” are you getting up yet? I’ve been looking after kitty all day now and I have to go out” I groan ” you’ve only had her an hour and woke me up three times , can’t you just let me sleep a bit.. get her jigsaws out?” ” I. Have. To. Get ready!” “When you going ?” ” about 6″ “it’s only two now” “MUMMY IVE HAD HER ALL DAY”
2.30pm lay on sofa with quilt and pillow, toddler playing jigsaws.. cartoons playing on loop .
3.30pm boy arrived home..”can I buy the download?”
3.35 boy runs upstairs with my bank card.
3.45 stagger into kitchen to make toddler some choclate milk. Find a blender full of berries with a food processor lid balanced on the top. It remained unblemded… my eyes grate towards a box of apples bobbing about in a water filled toy box.. there is a vague realisation that the very same toy boy was full of bricks this morning.
3.55pm back on sofa, toddler happily drinks chocolate milk. I rub my foot which is throbbing from standing on the pile of toy bricks . I can hear cartoons playing , I’m not sure if it’s in my head or in the room.. I slip into the half awake sleep that all mums do.
4.30pm daughter number two arrived home and babysits. I go to bed for second time
8.30pm wake up feeling like I’ve been run over by a combine harvester. Can her husbands voice and clattering pans.
8.35pm stagger down the stairs to check everyone is ok. Step into kitchen and see the chaos! Sink over flowing with pots. A random apple crumble (still attached to the bottom of the tin) sits on the side in a beach of crumbs that spread across every surface and floor. Tea things are everywhere, leftovers on plates and pans and serving bowls fill the sides.
8.36pm return to bed.
8am wake up with no head ache. Kitty is sleeping next to me in yesterday’s clothes and her tea still around her mouth. I hear everyone getting ready to leave.I am pleased they are all alive and greatful I slept.
9am I’m dressed, showered and energised.
9pm finally sit down after clearing the mess from my ‘night off’ yes that’s right my ‘night off’ not one but two of my brood said I’d had a ‘night off’ it took me a full day to clean the house and mess.
So I’m wondering what will happen when I go away next week for four whole days! Will the house still be standing? The thought of it gives me a headache!